How Humanism Changed My Life
My journey from devout Southern Baptist to ardent agnostic atheist and Secular Humanist has been long and difficult. Transitioning from a Christian believer to a secular Humanist has been the hardest part of my life so far, even more challenging than my four years as a Marine. My personal journey has had many highs and lows, but overall, I believe becoming a Humanist has brightened my life in ways I still notice today. I can't, in short, share my entire life story, but I can offer a glimpse of how identifying as a secular Humanist has changed my view of life—not just my own, but life in general—for the better.
From the time I was born until around my 21st birthday, I strongly—for the most part—identified as a bible-believing Christian. I was raised Southern Baptist in the South of the North (Indiana), and that greatly shaped my view on my life and human life overall. I believed that all humans, including myself, were created directly and personally by the God of the universe, and that—because of the fall of Adam and Eve—we were all worthless sinners, destined to spend eternity in Hell. That was, unless we accepted Jesus Christ, the son/incarnation of God, as our personal savior and messiah, believed in Him with all our hearts, and devoted our entire lives to Him.
I took this message to heart and dedicated myself completely to my faith. It influenced every part of my outlook on life. From the smallest, most ordinary events to major, life-changing moments, I saw everything through the perspective of my Southern Baptist, Protestant Christian upbringing. This included: my parents' messy divorce, my subsequent anger issues, and, most of all, my sexuality.
Around the time I turned 13, I realized I was bisexual, and this was something my upbringing hadn't prepared me for. I was taught Leviticus 20:13 as a behind-closed-doors mantra, and when I experienced these feelings, they scared me in a way I had never felt before. I “knew” that if I couldn’t rid myself of these feelings, I was doomed to Hell. And nothing I did could make the feelings go away, so I believed I would burn in a literal lake of fire with “gnashing of teeth” for eternity after I died. “Hell Anxiety” was better called “Actual Anxiety.”
I endured nearly a decade of this anxiety until, during my four years in the Marine Corps, I spent many months in intense internal dialogue and debate, and realized I was no longer a Christian. This realization was huge. It felt like a boulder was lifted from my chest, and I could finally breathe after years of struggle. I didn’t immediately identify as an atheist or secular Humanist, but it didn’t take long for me to get there.
Once I found atheism and Humanism, my life took a drastic turn… downward. I became extremely depressed and dejected. It was almost like the not-so-sudden, but still pretty damn abrupt, realization that I had been lied to my entire life by everyone who had ever professed to love me—all in the name of a fictitious, malevolent projection of their own subconscious—was somehow devastating to a twentysomething, borderline alcoholic Marine. I did not take it well at all, but that’s a story for another day.
Once I emerged from my funk, I immediately began building my own worldview. I watched educational videos on philosophy, religion, mathematics, history, physics, biology, and various scientific subjects until I reached some understanding of what reality is. I believe this is one of, if not the most, powerful tools in Humanism's arsenal: the ability to construct our own worldviews. To start nearly from scratch and create a grand structure of life based on reason and rationality, independent of appeals to authority or divine revelation.
So, how has identifying as a Humanist changed my perspective on life? Well, it has shifted me from thinking that “we are all worthless garbage monsters, unworthy of the very air we breathe,” to believing that “we are magnificently beautiful chunks of stardust given sentience by an uncaring and indifferent universe.” It has altered my outlook on my life, and the lives of every other living human, from one of abject disgust and loathing to one of nearly pure adoration and love. Because of my Humanism, I have shifted from doing good as a form of penance to doing good because it’s simply the right thing to do. It has transformed me in ways I’m still discovering, and, for the first time, I am excited to see what I find.
